Picture from Boing Boing!
Ahh, local TV commercials… the bane of local TV viewers. It’s Truly! Random! proudly presents the 5 Most Awesome Local Commercial Songs Ever, rated by catchiness, quality (both good and bad), and by an arbitrary question, “did this make me want to punch my own face?” Without further ado…
5 Most Awesome Local Commercial Songs Ever:
- 5.) Flea Market Montgomery – “It’s just like, it’s just like, a mini… mall.”
Location: Montgomery, AL
This is the long version of the Flea Market Montgomery rap commercial. With over 2 million views it has to be on this list. Why is this awesome? Look at the man’s dance. Look at the man’s eyes (seriously, do that). Listen to the depth of the song’s lyrics and how it touches you on multiple levels. They say hip-hop has fallen off over the years, but Flea Market Montgomery (FMM for short) is bringing it back!
- 4.) Cecil Myers – “Dealer with a Heart”
Location: St. Joseph, Missouri
From the CD “Wow What a Place,” released by “Satisified Customer Records,” comes one of the most ill-advised attempts at rap music ever put on record. This “Dealer with a Heart” seems to be lacking the lungs and voice box that prevent most people from sounding stilted and robotic. I am going to guess that “tricked out crew” is a fancy car dealership euphenism for “coming to work strung out on extasy.” That makes sense.
- 3.) Jhoon Rhee Taekwondo – “Nobody Bother Me!”
Location: Washington D.C.
Why’s it awesome? Because that little kid just did a perfect wink at the end of the video, telling us, “yeah, I know video sucks but since I learned to fight no bullies bother me!” It doesn’t hurt that USA-1000 is perhaps the most awesome phone number ever used by a human being. Not only is it patriotic (fervently so), but the number represents the number of kicks you’ll deliver a minute after signing up with Jhoon Rhee…
- 2.) Moo & Oink – “Wave for catfish, scream for ribs!”
Location: Chicago, IL
Before Soulja Boy, before Walk It Out, the real gangsters on the Southside of Chicago were doing the Moo & Oink. The dance was confusing for some, when told to “wave for catfish” one was supposed to wave, but when the song says “scream for ribs,” you are just supposed to wave a different way, like goodbye. Oh, that’s just part of the commercial probably.
- 1.) Wets Pets – “W E T P E T S”
Location: Uhh… San Pablo, CA
This is number one, the one you waited for. Why’s it number one? Because it’s an awesome commercial jingle. It teaches, it entertains, and it’s hilarious. I doubt that parakeets and rabbits love hanging out with the scorpions, but other than that the rest of the song basically matches up with what I know about the animal kingdom and friendships.
Wet Pets San Pablo!
Only one place where fish and lizards,
hang out with cats and chinchilas,
kick back with hamsters and dogs,
parakeets rabbits and scorpions.
One stop one shop we got it all,
any pet you can get and take home,
best pet products and best pet food,
best pet services is wet pets for you.
Wet Pets San Pablo!
Honorable Mentions (The Best of the Rest):
Video Games Underground (rock, and awful in every conceivable way)
Eastern Motors Commercial (rap)
Stinky Septic (wannabe plumbing showtune)